Everyman's Beard

Gentlemen,

We have a lot to discuss here today; with thanksgiving around the corner, and family gatherings, I’m predicting a few bumps in the beard brotherhood (but maybe I’m not giving you enough credit??)  So I’m going to start off this e-mail with a little re-enforcement of the importance of perseverance (I know, I talk about this a lot… but this really has to be the foundation that your beard is built upon.)

As with most things in life, context is key. So before deconstructing his beard, I’m going to talk a little about Keanu Reeves, and why he’s such a good beard role model, and a beard philanthropist. Keanu Reeves, besides being immortal ( http://www.keanuisimmortal.com/ ), is probably the most unrealistically kind and generous celebrity alive.

My friend James grew up in Hawaii and has told me stories about Keanu’s family (extended family maybe?), who lives in the same town.  They are friends with everybody in the neighborhood, and leave their kitchen door open with food prepared. They host big dinners and treat everybody to meals with Keanu movies come out.  And as it turns out, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.   The Matrix trilogy, incredibly successful and most excellent movies, earned Keanu a potential 75 million dollars that he never saw: guess why? He gave it to the costume and special effects team, because he thought they deserved it (they did).  One person recounts the story of when he was a set builder on a Keanu movie; Reeves took all of the “grunt workers” out for breakfast and lunch for the last few weeks of filming.  Keanu denied money on his salary in Devil’sAdvocate so they could hire Al Pacino. Same with The Replacements.  He bought the entire stunt team of the Matrix sequels Harleys. He talks to and wants to know the names of all of the set designers and stage hands on his films.  Helps strangers with broken down cars.  Etc…  

One of his kindest acts though was painfully growing through a seemingly hopeless beard, and he did it for you. 
Let’s take a look at this… (exhibit A)

And now let’s look at him with a few weeks’ growth. (exhibit B)

Well, sure it helps that he’s Keanu Reeves and handsome as shit with a great head of hair—it’s sometimes hard to empathize with famous rich people, but let’s show him the same generosity he’s shown others and look at him just as a person.  Now, Keanu has a face that looks exceptionally better with a beard (all do), and he obviously wants one. But… his beard is no 'Robin Williams', and nothing he can do can change that. His mustache will never connect to his cheeks, and there is a huge gap between his sideburns/cheeks (which themselves look more like a doughnut than a beard) and his goatee area.    Most of you have maybe grown a “beard” out to the point in this picture, carefully and excruciatingly picked it apart in the mirror while bringing yourself to a new low of self-depreciation, then shaved it off in defeat, telling yourself “I tried”.   Imagine how much stronger this urge would be if you were on TV, going to award shows, and followed by paparazzi. Imagine if it wasn't just that little voice in your head telling you “You can’t do it” but also anonymous dickheads on the internet making comments on eonline.com and headlines of The Sun (or whatever those magazines are in supermarket checkout lines).

Keanu Reeves didn’t do that – he decided that, like those stuntmen and prop designers, his beard deserved some respect.   

-          (Exhibit C)

 

Now his beard isn’t ‘perfect’, but it’s HIM – and it’s the uniqueness and character of every beard that make them beautiful. So his mustache doesn't connect to his cheeks… but you know what? I think that makes his mustache stand out and look awesome. It gives it shape. Some mustaches don’t connect in the middle – that’s pretty cool,  it’s like having really bright blue eyes: it’s not normal, but it’s unique.  Call me an idealist.

(exhibit D – the miracle)

So, Thanksgiving is right around the corner – less than a week from today we’ll be sitting around with the family we haven’t seen in a year, taking pictures. You feel some sort of illogical obligation to shave for your family, but it’s not there. You've shaved every thanksgiving for your whole adult life, but no one is asking it of you. People might make a few cracks, but it’s just because family meetings are weird and they’re trying to make conversation. DO NOT pick up a razor and mutilate yourself in a petty and weak need for acceptance. Have dignity, and stick to your goal.  Be proud. Right now, referring to exhibit C, we’re at about that first picture on the far left – if you shave? You’ll just have to do it again, and constantly be 3 weeks behind everyone else’s beard; you’ll feel terrible, alone, and cowardly. Rightfully so. Sorry to be harsh brother, but I’d better get it out now just in case.

I don’t like to discuss superman beards here – beards like George Clooney’s, Zach Galifinakis’, or Brian Wilson’s (the giant, not the beach boy --though I will talk about that particular beard later for different reasons).  These men just have super thick amazing beards that look good from day 1 onwards – they don’t really serve a purpose for inspiration because they are impossible to relate to.  Because I’m not mentioning them, don’t take that to mean they’re not great.  But while we’re talking about the beard underdogs here, let’s take a look at one more man who overcame some obvious adversity – I won’t say anything about it, let’s just let the pictures speak for themselves: Heath Ledger.

And here’s a little eye candy to leave you with.